its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
