God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
