Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
