Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
