the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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