Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
