He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
