id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize