a queef is a wish your heart makes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
