Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
