Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
