Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
