Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
