I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The best revenge is premature balding
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
