....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
