Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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