All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
