Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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