Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
