I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize