my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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