omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
