four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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