***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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