They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
