SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
