Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
