I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
