she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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