the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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