Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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