i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
