I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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