the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize