if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
