ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
