She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
