If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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