It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
