So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
