Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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