well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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