It's like God shit irony all over that family
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
