Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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