things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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