By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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