This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
