who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
