i think my tv is drunk
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i came on her dog
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
