I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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