I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
