I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize