i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
