You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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