Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

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(305): View more from Florida

We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.

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(509): View more from Washington

Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang

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(573): View more from Missouri

Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.

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