Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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