dude i'm inner monologue high
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
