I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
