everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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