She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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