i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
