you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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