so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
