somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
